Top 10 ways I'm not very good at natural parenting (and why I keep trying anyway)

Welcome to the March Carnival of Natural Parenting: Natural Parenting Top 10 Lists

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared Top 10 lists on a wide variety of aspects of attachment parenting and natural living. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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At the birth of my first child, I knew practically nothing about natural parenting. I realized breastfeeding was good, and I thought baby slings were neat. Yep, that's about it. I did not grow up observing many natural parenting principles, and I wasn't the least bit crunchy before I got pregnant.

It should be obvious that now, less than four years since I started learning about all these things, it is still a work in progress. Here are the top ten ways I screw up daily as a natural parent, starting with the least of the evils and counting down to number one. I'm pretty sure I might have read similar lists by others, although I can't remember where. I tried to find one but couldn't. If you know of one please tell me and I'll link to it! Here's my list. I hope you still like me once you get to the end.

#10 - I cloth diaper, but not very well. We have a mix of cloth diapers, mostly consisting of velcro-fastening covers with the cheapest inserts we could find that were not prefolds. We have no wool anything. I have never lanolized or done a wool wash. Our diapers get ugly stains and I just leave them there. I recently bought a bunch of diapers for the new baby from my friend Jenn. They are cute and some of them are, well, beautiful. I never thought of a cloth diaper as something that needed to be beautiful. It was something that could save me money and would be covered by my baby's pants. But I love these tiny little diapers. For Baby Robert, I am going to make upcycled wool shorties and applique something adorable on the butt and buy him some t-shirts to wear so he can show it off. Because now I see that diapers can be an art form.

#9 - I don't ever want to be on the news for being harassed while breastfeeding. I love breastfeeding, and support a woman's right to nurse wherever, covered or not. I think the women who go on the news and out establishments for bullying nursing moms are amazing and important. I've attended a nurse-in held for another mom. And if I realllly had to, I'd stand up for myself and my baby. But probably, my husband Jordan would be the one giving somebody a piece of his mind. I am not one of those women who is like I just hope somebody does say something to me because they won't know what hit them. I probably would go on the news if I had to but I'd much rather just sit there and nurse my baby and be ignored.

#8 - Our toys are not all handcrafted wooden ones, and we even watch princess movies. I enjoyed Disney movies as a child, the princesses especially. There was no way I was going to keep my kids from watching them. But Suzi has not been swayed into being ultra-girly. After viewing a Disney classic such as Sleeping Beauty, Suzi pulls on her rain boots and announces in a gruff voice that she "is the prince! Off to rescue the princess and marry her!" Ivey doesn't currently care about TV one way or the other, except for turning it on and off repeatedly. As for our toys, we usually opt for simple, wooden, handmade toys, but sometimes we don't. Other people frequently gift us with battery-operated plastic items, and if the kids love it we usually keep it. Sometimes I even like those toys, if they aren't just noisy for the sake of being noisy.

#7 - We plan to homeschool, but we haven't nailed down the details yet. Suzi is going to be four in May, so we have a while to figure this out. We don't legally have to do anything until the year she'd be in first grade, but we probably could do a little more than we're doing right now. It's tricky, because Suzi is not into being drilled or directed. She is probably more of an unschooling type, but I went to public school so that approach does not come easily to me. I need to make a point of jumping in and doing more, trying various things and seeing what works, especially in this year before she'd be going to kindergarten.

#6 - I'm not a good cook. I just never really enjoyed cooking, for whatever reason. It's a victory for me to come up with a halfway balanced meal at all, let alone something creative that contains whole, unprocessed foods my kids will enjoy. I try, but all my ideas come from other people. There are also many good foods I've never tasted. Since becoming a parent, and thanks to my more knowledgeable friends, I've been introduced to such things as steel cut oats, real whipped cream, quinoa, spaghetti squash and goat's milk. I need to branch out, have fun and think of my time in the kitchen as working on a craft project. I've always liked the Waldorf idea of having a different grain for every day of the week, so I might go buy the ones we don't have and try some of these recipes. I might accidentally stumble upon something Suzi will eat!

#5 - Hand-in-hand with #6... I'm a junk food junkie. Ice cream, cheetos, cookies with milk, little powdered donuts. I get started and can't stop. At least I have pretty much conquered my soda problem, though, because I drink mostly water now. I'm not going to pretend I have any intention of giving up sweets, but you know what I could do to improve? Bake more of my own goodies with wholesome, real ingredients and leave the barely-qualifies-as-food stuff at the store.

#4 - My kids get sick and I freak out. I know there was something I read one time about treating (whatever) at home, but what was it? Then I find the answer and, of course, we need some obscure herb that I should have carefully packed away in a medicine cabinet, but I never did. Why? Because it's overwhelming and expensive to buy all these things before you need them. Someday I am going to learn my lesson, compile a basic list, drop a couple hundred bucks at Earth Fare and be done with it. Our kids are usually fine without a doctor's visit anyway, because we've acquired some basic knowledge and the most commonly needed items. But we do need to work on this.

#3 - I'm a pregnancy slacker. I don't exercise like I should, although my midwife kindly reminds me that housework (like running up and down the stairs to put laundry away) is exercise. I don't cut things out of my diet that I probably should. I sit in my recliner a lot. I forget to take my vitamins, although this time around I have been very good about taking my cal-mag. That's because if I don't take it I can't sleep, and it tastes good too. It makes me feel better if I look at my first pregnancy, when I was eating large bowls of ice cream all the time because I thought that was what pregnant women did, and think how far I've come.

#2 - Sometimes I lay guilt trips and nag my children to say please and thank you, and that sort of thing, when I should be modeling the behavior I want from them. I should be treating them politely at all times, but sometimes I get downright rude if I've had a hard day and I'm irritated. I say things to them that I wouldn't say to another adult, like telling them to move instead of saying "excuse me" when they are under my feet and I'm trying to get work done in a hurry. And then I expect them to blow people away with their politeness. Silly.

#1 - I yell. I have a temper and get frustrated easily. Sometimes I hurt my kids' feelings. I don't want to yell, but it's a hard habit to break. This is my biggest, most difficult problem.


My reason for sharing all this is not only to make a list of areas I'd like to improve, but also to point out that the idea is not to be perfect, it's to do your best. We didn't choose natural parenting because we thought we'd be so great at it. It's just that the more we got acquainted with natural parenting, the more we realized it would be better for our family. We wouldn't grow as parents if we didn't challenge ourselves to take this better but less familiar path.

So, please tell me I'm not alone. Do you do any of these things? Do you have totally different issues? Any advice to help with some of mine? Please share.

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon March 8 with all the carnival links.)

• Attachment Parenting in the NICU — Erica at ChildOrganics shares some strategies to help you parent naturally in some unnatural circumstances.


• 10 Reasons to Choose Baby Led Weaning — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares ten reasons to choose Baby Led Weaning when it comes to solids.


• Choosing to Breastfeed — From selfishness to self-giving, CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy lists reasons why breast is best for her and her family.


• Ten Things I Wish I Knew About Before Little Man — In this reflective post, The ArstyMama discusses ten things she wishes she knew more about before the birth of her son, Little Man.


• 10 Things That Helped Me Become a Natural Mama — The Accidental Natural Mama counts down ten things that helped her find her moderately crunchy inner mama self.


• Top 10 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Toddler — Extended breast-feeder Kate Wicker of Momopoly makes her own top 10 list for why she loves nursing her 2-year-old.


• Top 10 Tips on Authentic Grandparenting — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting offers a list of tips to make the grandparent-parent-child relationship flow smoothly.


• Top Ten "Dad" Things — Liam at In The Now talks about his favourite ways to spend time with his children.


• Top 10 Natural Strategies for Conception (aka How to Get Pregnant!) — Despite facing plenty of health issues, Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama found her way to two first-try pregnancies thanks to these natural strategies.


• Top Ten Reasons Why Home Birth Rocks — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud shares her passion for birthing at home - the natural place for natural birth.


• Top 10 reasons why cloth nappies are fun — Tat at Cloth Nappies Are Fun shows how using cloth nappies can brighten up your day.


• Top Ten Ways to Be Present With Family — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares how to make the most of parenting and family life through being present.


• Top 10 Things In My Arsenal of Kitchen Witchy Mama Tricks. — Joni Rae at Tales of A Kitchen Witch shares with us the simple things she would never want to be missing from her cupboards.


• Top 10 ways I'm not very good at natural parenting (and why I keep trying anyway) — Jenny at Babyfingers shares the ways she is imperfect as a natural parent, and why she embraces natural parenting anyway.


• Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent — So what makes us "natural parents," anyway? A lighthearted look at the Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent by the editors and readers of Natural Parents Network.


• The Top 10 Things Every Natural Household (with children) Should Have — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro shares a list of the most common natural products and remedies she uses for health and cleaning.


• Top 10 books for raising loving, spiritual children — In her 'food for the soul' post, Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares her favourite spiritual books. No matter what religion you practise, there's something for everyone!


• Top 10 Things No One Told Me About Natural Parenting — Adrienne at Mommying My Way explains that the best things about natural parenting are things she never expected.


• Top 10 Flower Essences for Families — Kim of Nature Baby Bloggings lists her pick of the top ten flower essence which can help ease families through the ups and downs of life.


• My Top Ten Parenting Tools — Amyables at Toddler In Tow names the top ten tools that have been helpful to her while learning to parent respectfully and successfully.


• Ten Ways Families Can Enjoy Nature (for free!) — Spring is nearly in the air, and Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction is dreaming of the fun and frugal ways that her family is going to get out and enjoy nature this summer.


• 10 Reasons We Unschool — Patti at Jazzy Mama explains why unschooling is the right choice for her family.


• Must Read: Natural Parenting Top Ten — Amy at Anktangle wants you to do a little reading! She shares her top ten favorite books to help parents prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting.


• Top 10 Breastfeeding Misconceptions — Sheila at A Gift Universe examines ten reasons women give for why they didn't breastfeed as long as they wanted, and shows how these obstacles can be overcome.


• Ten Reasons to Plan a Home Birth — Since a home birth can be an incredibly empowering experience, Leslie at Lights and Letters outlines ten reasons why you should plan to have your baby at home.


• Top Ten Books for Birth, Breastfeeding and Parenting — Megan at Just Me(gan) writes about the ten books that have helped her the most in her natural parenting journey.


• A Top Ten Letter To Me... — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes herself a letter of reflections and bits of wisdom she would have liked to know as a new mama.


• Top Ten Mama Necessities Money Can't Buy — Buying baby gear is fun, but Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama knows real parenting must-haves can't be bought in stores (or even on Amazon).


• Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine talks about her Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum.


• Ten Great Spring Activities To Do With Preschoolers — Kellie at Our Mindful Life and her family have come up with a great list of activities to do together this spring.


• 10 Ways to Reuse Yogurt Containers — Acacia at Fingerpaint & Superheroes keeps the stacks of yogurt containers out of her recycling bin by reusing them in both practical and creative ways.


• Top Ten Ways To Have a Harmonious Home — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares her natural parenting-inspired methods for maintaining a harmonious daily life with her toddler.


• 10 Natural Baby Items I Love — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares product ideas to support your natural parenting.


• The Pandas' Top Five Crunch-osophies — Top five crunchy philosophies, as employed at the Panda Residence by Ana at Pandamoly.


• Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Son Intact — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children has shared 10 reasons why you should leave your newborn son intact.


• Ten things everyone should know about unassisted homebirth — Olivia at Write About Birth shares practical tips for women considering an unassisted homebirth and debunks some common myths


• 10 Most Popular Ways To Treat Cloth Diaper Stains — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey gives ten easy tips to make your diapers like new.


• 10 Lessons in 1 Year — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares 10 parenting lessons that she has learned throughout her first year of motherhood.


• Top 10 Ways to Get Breastfeeding Off To a Good Start — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes shares 10 effective ways to ensure breastfeeding gets off to a good start.


• Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out — If you are uncomfortable using time-outs in an attempt to control your child's behavior, try one of these gentler alternatives. Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out.


• My Top 10 Parenting Scriptures — Dulce de leche is learning to integrate faith and parenting. Whether it is breastfeeding, babywearing, comforting her children, or gentle discipline, she finds that the Bible has beautiful passages to encourage her on her journey.


• Natural Cleaning Ideas - Top 10 — Laura at Laura's Blog lists the ways she keeps her house clean and clear of chemicals.


• My Top Ten (plus two) Life Altering and Growth Inspiring Books — A top ten list of books from MJ at Wander Wonder Discover that changed her life as an individual, a parent, and an earth dweller.


• Top 10 Ways to Use Natural Parenting for Children with Special Needs — Danielle at Mommy Makes Cents feeds the needs of her family and special needs child through the use of Natural Parenting.


• Ten Fundamentals — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante gets philosophical with a list of the fundamentals that drive her natural parenting.


• 10 reasons why I chose breast over bottles — Becky at Old New Legacy writes a quick list of why she chose breast over bottles.


• Top Ten Natural Tools for the Work of Play — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree offers insight into 10 natural toys that will span the early years (and save you money).


• 10 differences between pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry gives her impressions about differences in pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US.


• Natural Parenting Benny & Bex Style — Pecky at Benny and Bex explains why Natural Parenting principles work best for her boys.


• Top 10 Reasons to Co-Sleep — 10 practical, emotional, and completely selfish reasons to co-sleep and share a family bed from Lily, aka Witch Mom.


• My Top Ten New Mommy Moments — Melissa at The New Mommy Files recounts the ten most memorable moments of her daughter's first year.


• Top Ten Things Every Breastfeeding Mother Needs to Know — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood believes knowledge is power and wants all moms to be well informed.


• Top 10 Nursing Positions / Situations — Momma Jorje uses her 5½ years of nursing experience to share her Top 10 Nursing Positions/Situations. She includes some adorable photos of her youngest daughter at the breast.


• Ten Top Ways to Connect Kids with Nature — Terri from Child at the Nature Isle offers 10 ways to immerse ourselves in the natural world and develop a love affair with the Earth.


• Top 10 Slacker Ways to Natural Parent — Guavalicious is happy to show you how to parent naturally the slacker way.


• Simply what it looks like — Andrea!!! from Ella-Bean & Co. offers a glimpse into natural parenting through the eyes of mama and babe.


• Top Ten Reasons Why Natural Parenting Dads Are So Attractive — Nada at miniMOMist sure digs her husband, but it's not just his good looks -- it's his parenting!


• 10 Family Systems and Routines That Work for Us — See what routines, organizational systems, and parenting approaches work for Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings to help avoid conflict and maintain sanity in a family with three young children.


• Top 10 reasons to choose midwifery care — Lauren at Hobo Mama lists the features that drew her to midwives' care for pregnancy and birth.


• 10 Ways to Cloth Diaper on a Budget — Michelle at The Parent Vortex shares her best thrifty cloth diapering tips.


• Ten Reasons it Felt Sew Good To Make My Own Play Food — Brittany at Mama's Felt Cafe lists her 10 (OK, 11) favorite reasons to grab a needle and start sewing your own felt play toys.


• Top10 Ways to Spark Interest, Learn, and Have Fun With Everyday Tasks! — Bethy at Bounce Me to the Moon gives you her top 10 ways of incorporating fun and lessons into everyday tasks and chores.


• Postpartum Gift Ideas — Alicia at I Found My Feet suggests a top 10 list of gifts for mother's after giving birth.


• My Top Ten Shows Worthy Of Screen Time — Tree at Mom Grooves shares her top ten list of shows that she believes are positive, educational, kind, joyful, and a nice way to share some downtime with your children.


• The Top 10 Ways to Succeed as an Working Attachment Parent — That Mama Gretchen shares tried and true ways to succeed with attachment parenting even when working away from home during the day.


• Top Ten Books for Natural Parenting — Pregnancy, herbs, cooking, and healthcare the ten books Asha at Meta Mom the most.


• Preparing for a Hospital VBAC: My Top 10 — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis shares 10 ways she's preparing for her upcoming hospital VBAC.


• Top Ten New Mom Survival Tools — Wolfmother shares her most beloved motherhood survival tools at Fabulous Mama Chronicles.


• Top 10 Montessori Principles for Natural Learning — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now gives her top 10 list of Montessori principles parents can use to encourage their children s natural learning.


• Going Granola — Tashmica from The Mother Flippin' Blog describes the 10 ways that natural parenting sneaked up on her. She never expected to go all granola on the world.


• Step Away From the Amazon List — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wishes she hadn't bought so much useless stuff.