Friday, November 14, 2008

The Love Dare, days 11 and 12

Day 11 was "love cherishes." Our task was to find some gesture which would say "I cherish you" to each other. It could be a chore or an errand, or maybe a massage, etc. Jordan decided to run by the store and pick up borax and baking soda to make our own dishwasher detergent. Then he came own and washed a load of dishes with it, and it worked great! It is going to be sooo much cheaper than the commercial stuff! Sadly, I couldn't think of anything. I am planning to iron a bunch of Jordan's clothes over the weekend so they will all look nice for him to wear to work next week.

Day 12, today, was interesting: "Love lets the other win." Most people have the 1 Corinthians verse about love read at their weddings and look at this as an ideal, but sometimes it's easier said than done. Jordan and I got along perfectly, for instance, until we realized our beliefs on key political issues did not align. My mom warned me not to even bring politics up with Jordan, but for two people as stubborn as Jordan and me? It was irresistible! We both thought we were right and argued until we were blue in the face, all to no avail. We could have been doing something constructive, and instead we were busy alienating one another.

The challenge was to pick a disagreement you've had with your partner and say "I'm willing to go your way on this." I had a very hard time thinking of something, because Jordan and I have recently resolved our political disagreements and there's not much else we disagree on. There are only big things, and even the Love Dare book agrees that you shouldn't have to bend on an issue if it's truly what you believe is right in the eyes of God. You'll see what I mean in a minute. Anyway, as I was talking to my brother this afternoon he asked how much Suzi weighed. "20 pounds," I said. "She's big enough to turn around in the car seat, but I--" Then I remembered the dare. Jordan had been asking for weeks to turn her around (she's nearly 18 months old, but I thought it might be safer to leave her rear-facing just a little longer). I decided to go his way on that. When he came home, I told him my decision and he said he hadn't thought of anything to agree with me on yet. I asked if he would be open to a suggestion. Jordan had conceded, in the face of all kinds of facts and articles I'd sent him and after much discussion, that we would not circumcise any sons we may have in the future. There was no good reason we could see to do it, but he seemed to be holding a grudge. I asked him if he could go my way on that and do it with a smile on his face, and he agreed. It made my day.

I know a lot of people have their sons circumcised, and that's fine; it's a decision the parents have to make. But for a number of reasons, I just can't bear to think of it being done to a child of mine. For me, that was one of those important things on which I wasn't going to yield.


Ginny Marie said...

Day 12 sounds like a difficult challenge. I'm glad it turned out so well for you both! I didn't want to have my babies circumcised because of the pain it causes, but my husband wanted his sons to be like him. We ended up having girls! I have a friend who adopted two boys from Russia and they were not circumcised, so when their two sons were born, they decided not to circumcise them, either. It was no big deal!

Schatz said...

My Traveler and I had this argument last week. I grew up in Europe and none of my family is circumcised, while he and all of his male relatives are. In my heart I think its an unnatural thing to do, but I conceded the point since it doesn't seem to do much harm in the end and I love Traveler very much. ...Now I'm just hoping that we have girls :)

Kate said...

I'm taking on the Love Dare during the 40 days of Lent and can't wait to see how it helps to nurture my marriage and my relationship with God.

Thanks for sharing your personal experience with this tough but hopefully rewarding challenge.