Saturday, September 5, 2009

Mopey Dopey

Last night I sat on the couch and wallowed in my post-baby bad mood. It was a combination of...

1) Even my "fat pants" are too tight. I just had a baby so this is about what one might expect. Still, who wants to try on any pants and find out they're too tight? Not me! I am so ready to start getting into shape.

2) The house is not organized, despite my best efforts to prepare ahead of time while I was pregnant. The house was so neat and clean and I felt on top of things, and then there was the birth. Now we've got a bunch of birth stuff lying around that we haven't had time to put away. Ivey keeps spitting up and pooping and peeing all over her clothes, our clothes, our bedsheets... It's a lot of extra laundry, but it is getting better. We are learning the finer points of cloth diapering a newborn, and Ivey and I are both figuring out when to say when during feedings (which helps with the spitting up).

3) I don't feel like I've been the greatest mom to Suzi. She's two. She needs to run around and be noisy and messy. In this heat, though, it isn't easy to spend a lot of time outside. I'm not ready to go on long walks yet, either. This leaves us indoors most of our days, and I frequently find myself fussing at her to not wake the baby up (by drumming loudly on tables with various toys and household objects, singing and yelling, etc). Besides, I have less patience when I haven't gotten much sleep the night before. She's been spending a lot of time over at Grandma and Grandpa's, and that's nice, but I want her to have fun at our house, too. I need to figure out some activities she'd enjoy that I can facilitate while wearing Ivey in the wrap, and then make time to do them. (Any ideas???)

4) I read this post, which I loved. It's about a class that encourages people to put their wildest dreams into writing. What you'd like to do with your life, even though it may seem impossible. The idea is that if you don't recognize your dreams, you certainly won't ever achieve them. I started thinking about all the things I've wanted to do with my life. Right now, I am doing what I want to do. I'm staying at home with my two girls. By the time I die, though, I'd love to be able to say I did everything I could do, or was meant to do. It's not that raising children is not a big deal or isn't enough for me, but what if while I was doing that I could have helped people, and missed my chance? I got excited about doing a blog on this topic and listing my dreams, which I still plan to do. Then I kept thinking (bad idea) and worked my way down to the old what's the point of life if you have goals and never achieve them, and finally circled back around to the children are just going to grow up and leave us, blah blah blah. Stupid, right? I mean really. Jordan gave me a hug and pointed out that just raising our kids is a major life accomplishment, as they will grow up and you never know what important things they might do. And then he reminded me I am only 25 and still have a few years to get other stuff done. Heh. That's true.

Even though I had a bad night yesterday, it was fleeting. This time has been better than last time by a mile. This time I look down at my chubby little baby while I'm nursing her and feel joy instead of paranoia. I may be tired, but I know I'm capable. I have everything I need to be a good mom to both my girls, and now all I lack is practice--which I will get.

5 comments:

Jamie said...

Hang in there hon! This too shall pass- you're a great mom and you'll figure this two kid thing out! As for the fat pants, you'll get there- I gave all my skinny pants away after T was born, convinced I'd never be there again and then had to get them all back since they fit again. I haven't even TRIED to loose weight, so I'm sure that if you're focused, you'll be there in no time!

denisevp3 said...

HI, I am a friend of Julies. I started reading your blog because you were both due at the same time. Your girls are beautiful. I think the courage of your home birth comes not in the birth but going against the system. Thumbs up for that!
Ideas for Suzi, Have her copy the rituals Ivey goes through with her new baby doll. Diapering, changing clothes, feeding:), rocking wearing. Two year olds love to polay in the water she could be easily supervised in the sink while you are at the counter.They love washing the dishes!Bubbles are fun to you can do them in the house too. I had another but lost it while getting the dog out of the mud.OH yeah string big beads and lace loards are fun too. Hope those ideas help some.

emily snapp said...

Jenny-- when. My youngest was tiny, I started having "learning time" with elly. We would use different household objects and learn shapes, numbers, letters and elly's favorite, drawing. I would have her look outside for a while and I'd point out the grass was green, the sky was blue, the trees were brown and green, etc etc, and then we'd draw and color them all. She LOVED this. She already knew most of the stuff we "learned" but she was so proud when she did it all. I also started teaching her bible verses and she picked up on those well (short ones like genesis 1:1 and romans 3:23). You are doing great, hang in there. For me, what you are doing now is the hardest...it gets MUCH easier! So much easier that we decided to try for #3, who is now due late next Spring :)

Emily Snapp

wirrek said...

My kids are 21 months apart. I found that my two year old was great a stickers. This was something he could do with minimum supervision and DID NOT MAKE A MESS.

MaryAnne said...

I completely identify with this post. My "fat pants" are nowhere near fitting and my home is distressingly disorganized. But I'm also finding that I'm able to enjoy this baby even more than the first two, and that is SO nice. Glad you are finding the second time round better than the first time also.