January Spending Freeze, Day 2: Confessions

Have you seen this movie?

(Here it is on Amazon)

DON'T go buy/rent it now if you're in a spending freeze (we already had it)--but someday, you might want to check it out.  The reviews are very mixed, but I think it's a cute, funny movie.  Also, though I've never blown my finances in such a spectacular fashion, a couple of Rebecca's thoughts and behaviors were familiar to me.  After she has realized how badly she has overspent and is trying to get things under control, a big, important SALE tempts her back off the wagon.  Who doesn't hate missing out on something special?  It feels terrible.  And advertisers know this and use it all the time, don't they?

One of my favorite quotes from the movie is this one: "When I shop, the world gets better, and the world is better, but then it's not, and I need to do it again."  This could describe addiction in general, but I also think it applies to occasional or intermittent shopping while not content.  A new outfit found on sale, or the UPS man arriving with a box of fun stuff from Amazon does make my world feel a little better... for a minute.  I know, of course, that it doesn't really improve anything.  In fact, it might even make things worse by adding clutter.  But since actual, lasting life improvement takes time, energy, and hard work, sometimes when we are stressed or upset it is tempting to try a shortcut.

For these reasons and more, this movie helped get my head in the right place for tackling a spending freeze.  The kids and I watched it together, and although I'm not sure Ivey and Robert understood many of the details, it offered several opportunities to point out what certain money mistakes might look like.  It also reminded me of something important I wanted to share with my children.  I mostly discussed this with just Suzi, because the others are a little young to fully understand and I'll revisit it with them later.  I wanted to "confess" some of our financial mistakes, in the hopes that our children can avoid them.  I am sure we will talk about a variety of increasingly complicated financial missteps as the children grow older and closer to being in charge of their own bank accounts, but for now, I simply explained to Suzi what it meant to have an overdrawn bank account, and why that might happen.

I realize that some people might have a negative balance because they are living in poverty, and I don't mean to dismiss anyone's genuine need for help.  However, that was not the case with Jordan and me.  It has been many years since we have had this issue, but the few times we did, there are several reasons it could have happened:

1) We shared a bank account but did not communicate about it
2) We did not keep a budget or keep track of transactions
3) Instead of building an emergency fund, we made dumb purchases

I explained to Suzi how the initial impact of the negative balance can be compounded by fees, especially if several transactions hit after the account is negative but before you can correct the situation.  We talked about what it means to bounce a check.  Most importantly, we discussed the importance of having money in savings.  If you have an emergency fund in an easily accessible savings account, preferably linked to your checking, a minor overdraft is a non-issue.  All you have to do is transfer the appropriate amount of money to checking, avoiding a barrage of punishing fees, and then make it a priority to rebuild the emergency fund as soon as possible.  If you don't have that, you could end up way far down in the hole.  I told Suzi about a time or two that this happened to us when we did NOT have savings available, and the unpleasantness of dealing with it some other way.  I even sheepishly confessed some of the dumb things we spent money on instead of saving.  The saddest part is that I can barely remember most of the stupid stuff we bought... or I remember donating it later after hardly using it.  Shortly after I had Suzi, I am sure some thrifty ladies were thrilled to find my beautiful but painful like-new high heels on the thrift shop shelves!

In conclusion, I told my kids today and I'll tell them again (and again):  You should have at least $1000 in savings at all times, and if you don't, you should be actively working toward it.  We will delve further into how NOT to end up with a mangled mess of a bank account later on, when I show them the basics of building a budget.

Hand to the Princess Awawa

Suzi raises her glass (well, cup) as she sings "Scamps," another Sleeping Beauty reference

In the van over the weekend:

Suzi: (singing) Hand to the Princess Awawa! Hand to the King! Hand to the Queen! Hand to the Princess Awawaaaaaaaa!

Me: Um, Suzi, it's actually hail. Hail to the King! Hail to the Queen! Hail to the Princess Aurora!

Suzi: (annoyed pause) Mommy, you sing your own song.

Never leave your partner behind

Yesterday my parents were kind enough to watch Suzi while Jordan and I went on a date. I had read about the movie Fireproof on a blog and decided we needed to see it. After watching the trailer, I was lukewarm about it (the trailer makes it look like it could be a little cheesy) but when I read its ratings on Yahoo I saw that it must be amazing.

And it was. I think every couple should go see this movie. It's about a fireman who rescues people from burning buildings and smashed cars but whose own marriage is in serious trouble. His wife barely acknowledges him, except to remind him of his shortcomings, and he believes she is the problem because she shows him no respect. After planning to go forward with a divorce, he speaks with his father who convinces him to give his marriage 40 days. His father sends him a book called The Love Dare, and every day he is to change one thing about the way he treats his wife. The results are not always what you'd expect.

This is a Christian film, and I liked that about it. Some people who rated the movie commented that they didn't like the Christian aspect because the story was "good enough without it." Hello--building a faith-based marriage was the entire point of the movie!

Best of all, the makers of this movie have published The Love Dare so you can buy it and try it out on your own marriage. Naturally, Jordan and I had to have a copy. I thought I would get it and try to do the things myself for Jordan, but by the time the movie was over I wanted the book yesterday, so we had to go buy it. On the way out of the theatre, as I suggested we stop at the bookstore on the way home, Jordan chuckled and admitted "I was actually going to order a copy online." (He's a prince, I tell you.) You can get them at Books-a-Million, but I think they are cheaper online. I haven't had a chance to read more than a page yet, but it looks amazing. There is scripture, like any devotional, and then an explanation of the day's challenge, and then the dare. After you finish the dare there is a place to write about how things went. What an amazing memoir to look back on at your 25th or 50th anniversary!

Today is Day 1 for us, and we are supposed to go all day without saying anything negative to one another. If we are tempted to say something negative, we are to say nothing at all. I'll let you know how it goes.

I am so lucky to have a husband who agreed to see this movie with me without whining. Very few men want to see it; I think most men would rather have their toenails painted and legs waxed while watching Bridezillas than confront the idea that something may need to change in their marriage. But my husband went, and I didn't have to drag him. I never do! He trusts that if I say something's important, it must be important, and I just wanted to say that's what I'm thankful for on this November morning.

Go to the movie. Go. Just go.

The most perfect thing since the last episode of Six Feet Under

Jordan and I went to the movies tonight and saw Juno. I loved it. It painted such a raw, unpolished picture of high school--the skinny awkward boyfriend, the gnawed off fingernails... All the things you remember (or at least I do). This is one of those movies I will keep noticing things about in my mind for the next two weeks. There is a handful of teenage pregnancy movies out there, and most of them are strained cautionary tales which shamelessly give themselves away (i.e., Fifteen and Pregnant starring Kirsten Dunst. Just read the title and you can save yourself the trouble of watching).

This movie delves into previously unexplored realms of cinematic teenage pregnancy which I will not go into because you should see the movie yourself. It is not like Saved, which is another of my favorites. While Saved is exaggerated and satirical, Juno is authentic. What impresses me is that Juno managed a definitive, satisfying ending without betraying the rest of the movie. (I learned that this can be tough from writing short stories in college.)

I haven't even mentioned the soundtrack yet. The standout songs have a folksy earthiness to them I loved. This necessitated a late Wal-Mart run for the CD, which I ripped open as we walked across the parking lot so I could play it right away in the van. I'm listening to it as I type. I'll be wanting the DVD when it comes out too. This was a darn good movie.

Saving some for later

Suzi usually tries to "save some for later" on her face, but not tonight. Jordan fed her some rice cereal and while she was still in her high chair I gave her a handful of Gerber Puffs for dessert. She quickly gobbled those up and wanted more, so I put a few more down for her. When she finished I took her out of her high chair to give her some juice and I felt something hard in the front of her clothes, so I looked in her overalls and found about ten hidden puffs! She looked like she was smuggling food out of an all-you-can-eat buffet. She has been waking us up in the middle of the night for the past few days, so maybe she was saving them for a midnight snack!

She is soooo close to real crawling. She can crawl about two paces on her knees and then she flops down and starts inching along again.

I saw The Nanny Diaries and I loved it!

"Quit eatin' them boogers!"

Suzi hasn't been eating boogers (nor has Jordan); I just wanted an interesting title. That is from The Nanny Diaries, which I hope to be watching in a few minutes after Suzi has gone to bed. Other movies I want to see:

The new Sweeney Todd with Johnny Depp
P.S. I Love You (Megan recommended it)
The Golden Compass (is that still in theatres?)

Anybody seen these? Jordan and I want to go to the movies, but whenever we go out all I can think of is my pouty-faced baby girl whom I left because I wanted to and not because of work. Even if she is just over at Grandma and Grandpa's getting spoiled.

Today Jordan, Suzi and I had an all-day pajama party. I got excited when I looked out the window and saw snow, but then I realized it was about 40 degrees so it had no chance of sticking. Below are (probably) our last snow pictures of the year. It was a beautiful 15 minutes, was it not? Despite my marshmallowey appearance in that coat, I am losing weight! I won't say how much I weigh (yet), but I have lost a couple of pounds since Christmas! Still working on my Suzi weight, but soon I will be back where I was before I got pregnant.