Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Rants from a dirty mama

This is how I feel today. Well, a mix between Pigpen and Grumpy the Dwarf. (Pic from here)

I really need to wash my hair today. Jordan turned the alarm off in his sleep this morning and since our girls were spending the night with Grandma and Robert decided to sleep in, I woke up and realized Jordan had about ten minutes to be at work. No shower for Mommy. AGAIN. Today is our chiropractor day so this dirty hair situation cannot wait for Jordan to get home and watch the kids. Robert is just going to have to sit in the bathroom floor. He'll probably whine and cry and see what he can find to put in his mouth. It sucks having to parent from the shower.


Is it too much to ask for a kid to
just occasionally, say once or twice a week, eat what I make them without making faces or whining? I could easily feed them Easy Mac with a side of Oreos every meal, and I would be their hero. But we spend extra money and time and energy to make something that's good for them and they cut me to the quick with every nose crinkle. Jordan and I are exhausted from all the begging, pleading, negotiating.

I love Robert very much, but it would be super if he would let me put him down for a nap. I am constantly holding him, watching him like a hawk, or getting him out of trouble, and I've got things to do! Laundry. Dishes. Fixing dinner (ha, yeah right). Peeing even! He is driving me crazy.

TMI warning.

Here it comes. If you don't like reading about periods and stuff, be on your way...

Where the hell is my period?!? I had my first one postpartum a month ago, I'm not pregnant, and I just know it's going to show up right in time for our 10K. Not good.

There is more. Pollen that has kept me in the house with the windows closed and feeling snotty and horrible when I need to be taking the kids outside to play, getting them to playdates and things. Jordan and I haven't even run in forever and since we are at the end of training for a 10K it's a bad time to be skipping runs.

I've struggled over the past few weeks with a hopeless hamster wheel feeling. Never-ending laundry and dishes. Children who don't seem to notice or care about anything I do for them, except of course when I make something to eat that they don't liiiiiike. The feeling that it is in poor taste to discuss this on my blog even though there is absolutely nowhere else to discuss it, except with a therapist but you have to pay for that. It's my blog so I'm going to talk about it.

It is so depressing and soul-sucking doing laundry, dishes, and menial busywork of every sort all day long, having time for hardly anything else, having no one notice, and barely talking to another adult all day. Three little kids have a funny way of keeping you in your house. Even in the rare moments when most everything is done and the kids are happy, things seem so pointless and lonely I could cry. It makes me feel even worse when I see people post things on Facebook like "I <3 my BFF!" or "Had such a fantastic time today with all my AMAAAAZING friends!" It must just be me, then. Super.

I'm going now to move the stupid alarm clock to my side of the bed and get a decent shower even if Robert hollers at me the whole time.


Lauren Wayne said...

Aw. I'm sorry you're feeling that way. We all do (at least sometimes), even if people don't like to admit it. I'm glad you're talking it out.

I wonder if you could join a or API or LLL group in your area, for the parent socialization. Maybe you could even meet a shower buddy. Ok, that sounded weird, but I hope you knew that I meant someone to watch your kids while you shower, ha ha!

I took a shower-bath the other day with Alrik in the tub with me, after it had been a week of no showering (it was time). I had the handheld shower wand down in the bath and tried as best I could to wash my hair carefully. By the next day, I was greasy again, so I must not have done a thorough enough job. Sigh. Finding showering time is so dang hard!

treemusicmama said...

Ugh. I hate the hamster wheel feeling. I'm totally there most days, and it is so very depressing. Do you want to get together one day and tackle some dishes or laundry and a cup of coffee?

Jenny said...

Thanks Lauren - Your bath story makes me feel so much better. I thought it was only me!

And treemusicmama, I would love to. I'll send you a Facebook message soon.

Jamie said...

Oh sweetie! We all feel this way! Remember that Greek myth about the guy spending ALL day rolling the huge boulder up the hill only to have it roll down again? He has to start all over again- this is his punishment dolled out by the Greek gods. I might not be a hamster, but I'm definitely identifying with this guy most days (even if I can't remember his name!).

I shower at night, after the kids are in bed. I also work at night from home. I get a 15 minute break from work. This is my shower time. Morning showers? A huge luxury!

No one likes what I cook either, including my husband. And if they DO like it today, they are not going to like it tomorrow. I'm over it!

Beware of what you read on FB... I was on vacation with my in-laws, having a fairly miserable time and really wanting to just be home, but posting amazing pictures on facebook because I didn't want to seem whiney about what a bad time it was. FB posts can be about as real as reality TV!!!!!

Hang in there- tomorrow is a new day... this too shall pass, this too shall pass... my mantra, hope it helps!

Anonymous said...

Sorry you're having a bad day! We ALL feel like this, at times. And I have to admit that I am very excited to come back to work after a 3-day weekend of "quality" time with the kids. I find it interesting that working and stay-at-home moms still seem to struggle with the same issues (hamster wheel). I also get the same crinkle-nosed looks from my kids about every other meal as well. Hopefully, they will thank us for feeding them healthy one day! Lemme tell ya what keeps my sanity....girls weekend! It is amazing how refreshed you can feel and what a totally NEW perpective you can gain from just 2-3 days away from it all. Take your pump and get away! I think it makes me a better parent. Hope you have a better weekend! Crystal G.

Crystal G said...

Ohh, and I think Jamie's comment about Facebook was so right on! Sometimes looking at Facebook can bring me down as well and that is probably another pitfall of it. No one is going to post their bad days or talk about thier "real" issues there so it is totally unrealistic and one-sided. Thanks to your friend for reminding me of that, too!