Saturday, October 31, 2009

I want to be a loser, too

I don't want to be the Biggest Loser, but I would like to lose a few pounds. After Suzi was born, I immediately dropped 20 pounds (eight of which was Suzi herself, so it probably doesn't count). Then I got stuck. This time, although I gained ten pounds less to begin with, I realized I was stuck at the -20 mark again. I've been eating junk food and I'm going to have to give it up and start exercising more!

I decided to get on with it the other day when I went to three different thrift shops (where I shop for clothes 95% of the time) looking for new jeans and couldn't find any. My old ones don't quite fit me yet and wearing maternity jeans--even little ones--when you are this far out is just depressing. I tried on a lot of jeans but none of them fit. I realized that maybe this was because I wasn't meant to find new, bigger jeans. I needed to lose a couple of pounds so I could fit into my old ones again.

We've been watching the Biggest Loser, and it really makes me want to do something. The people on the show have a lot more weight to lose and a lot more at stake; however, watching them step on the scales to see the weight melting off makes me want that, too. At some point on Tuesday I decided I'd try to exercise and lay off the junk food this week and see if I could be happy next week with them.

And I want to run again. I don't know why. Maybe because I see how good it makes some of my friends feel. Maybe because I miss the shape I was in when I ran. Thing is, I'm not in running shape at all. I can walk really fast. Sometime, though (when I'm not wearing a baby in a wrap!), I'm going to have to go for it and just start running and I guess I'm not sure when to do that. One of the things holding me back is worrying about what people will think when they see me. They might think, what is that girl doing running? Is she really qualified to do that? I weigh a bit more than the 110 pounds I weighed in high school now, after all!

But one time, I did weigh 110 pounds. I ran. I did boy push-ups (okay, only like ten of them and that was a major feat). At one point in high school I could do more sit-ups in two minutes than just about any of the girls in JROTC. I may have been the slowest girl on the cross country team, but I was on it.

And now I may be older and heavier and slow. But I want to run again.


Anonymous said...

Run like the wind, girl! I'm a 175lb-sometimes-regular-jogger who may be a little bigger than most, but I am strong...and so is my heart. I have a hand me down jog stroller that I push my 14 month old in -- it gives me an excuse to be a little slower AND I have something to take the focus off of me. Then, we both can have fun and enjoy the scenery. Ah, endorphins! Good luck to you.

Jamie said...

Hey! I just finished the first week of Couch to 5K and it was great. I have not lost any weight- somehow I am UP a few pounds- go figure! Despite that though, I feel strong and accomplished. And I run with my 14 month old in a jogging stroller and my 70 lb greyhound with me. Sometimes the dog is right there by my side and sometimes, towards the end of the run, I am dragging him behind me. If there is anyone who looks like they ought not be running it is me and my crazy crew! Good luck- and don't worry too much- that body- no matter what it might weigh- accomplished a whole lot not too long ago. I am sure that it will be back to normal soon enough, run or no run!

Rebecca said...

Do little things. Go up and down the stairs in your house during a TV commercial. While watching The Biggest Loser (which I'm also a huge fan of!), watch in a plank position. Get some resistance bands and play with them while you are watching TV. Teach Suzi to jump rope. I like to use to keep up with my calories because there's just something about seeing how many calories are in a small fry to make me have second thoughts about them. :)

McCool said...

It was like I wrote this post - I feel the same way and am totally with you!!! Waiting for those last few pounds to come off...