Christmas ornament nurse-in

Here are the rest of them...

Babywearing Daddy came along for moral support (and beside him, Mary is nursing baby Jesus, because as Julie pointed out some time ago, Jesus was breastfed). The Daddy ornament is for Jordan, and that's our Storchenwiege he's wearing, which is his favorite carrier at the moment. Recently we went to see New Moon and he wore (sleeping) Ivey in the wrap the entire time. It was so awesome.

I've made a couple of other things too, but I'll save them for another post.

Nobody puts baby in the bathroom

Today Jordan and I went to Denny's in Asheville to support Crystal Everitt and all nursing moms. (For good pictures, go here; see links at bottom of post for video.) We arrived around 12:30 after picking up lunch elsewhere. No one had gathered yet at that time, but it was easy to tell a couple of people were waiting in their cars for the nurse-in to begin. We started talking to one mom who had driven in from Greenwood with her one-year-old son. She even brought a sign (I wish I had made one). Around 1:00, Crystal and the others, mostly from Asheville, arrived and began assembling. To my surprise, there were about as many men as women there! (So much for this being just a bunch of exhibitionist women "showing off." Bang goes that theory.) I was so proud and thankful for Jordan not only being there, but being involved and interested. He even raised some good points in the post-nurse-in discussion, and it meant a lot to me. The Asheville crowd was so prepared. They had been in contact with the police to find out what our rights were as far as being there, and knew where Denny's property ended and public property began.

Once all the lactivists, reporters and photographers had shown up, Rick Pate, Denny's regional director, came out to speak with Crystal. He asked if they could "chat." It was clear he wanted to do this alone--not in front of all those cameras and people--but Crystal wisely told him she would talk to him right there. With a crowd of supporters behind her, Crystal listened to his insincere backhanded "apology." He stated that his goal was to create a dining environment which was "inoffensive for everyone." He said, I believe, that this included Crystal and other nursing mothers. He said we were all welcome to come in and eat lunch and nurse our babies. Then the questions came. Crystal handled it beautifully and knew just what to ask. I couldn't believe how cool and collected she was, especially being put on the spot. She said it seemed to her he was saying women could breastfeed their babies, but the management of Denny's was going to tell them how to do it. He claimed that's "not what he said." She asked if he expected women to go nurse in the bathroom, and he said that wasn't what he said either. Crystal asked, "Where did you expect me to go, then, if you wanted me somewhere more 'private' and the restaurant was full? My car or the restroom?" He didn't have an answer and kept talking in circles. Most importantly, he declined to reassure us that no more mothers would be asked to leave for breastfeeding their children, and this was unacceptable. He refused to give any information about supposed complainants, what was or wasn't done to correct the manager responsible, and refused to share video footage of the incident. At the end of the exchange, he'd made a fool of himself (with Crystal's help) while making it clear than Denny's had every intention of continuing to allow its staff to harass and discriminate against nursing mothers.

Therefore, the nurse-in continued. We knew we could be arrested for trespassing if we didn't get off the property, so everyone filed into the 3' wide grass-and-bushes area right in front of the restaurant. Some moms nursed, but Suzi wasn't in the mood and it's difficult for me to nurse her while I'm standing up. It was also cold and windy, and flurries of snow swirled through the air. We got lots of attention from passing cars--and once, or so I heard, the finger.

By 2:00 they decided to adjourn to a (much warmer) meeting place at a local cafe. Possible next steps were discussed because, seeing as how the police were ready to arrest Crystal for trespassing, more does need to be done. The North Carolina law states that breastfeeding is allowed "notwithstanding any other provision of law." To me, this means it should trump trespassing laws, but some say it is only referring to public indecency. There needs to be clarification, or better yet, an enforcement clause so that businesses will think twice before allowing their employees to humiliate a mother. Some states do have provisions for enforcement in their breastfeeding legislation, but this is lacking in North and South Carolina.

What other legal activity could get a person kicked out of a restaurant? If someone was smacking loudly with his mouth open, burping, or farting, and I complained to management about it, they would probably offer to seat me in a separate area of the restaurant. Several times before in restaurants other than Denny's I have complained about cigarette smoke, being seated too close to the smoking section. They don't go over and extinguish the person's cigarette with a cup of water. They move the complainant. So, assuming customers were genuinely offended by seeing part of Crystal's breast, I'd say these other examples set a precedent for the action which should have been taken. If the manager had wanted to maintain an "inoffensive" family-friendly environment for everyone, she should have offered to move the offended parties. Instead, she blew her top, probably over some personal hang-up she had with breastfeeding, and made a scene. Denny's caused the problem. Not Crystal Everitt.

This is not about breasts. Breasts are hanging out all over the world, but how many people do you see going up to buxom bikini-clad beauties on the beach and telling them to put a towel around it? Not many. How many of these keep-it-modest whiners would go into Victoria's Secret and ask them to please take down their display posters because the bulging breasts are just too explicit for the 12-year-old boys passing by? None that I know of. Nope. This is about breastFEEDING. These people are grossed out by the act itself, particularly when the child being fed is over a certain arbitrarily chosen age. And who suffers? The mothers, but more importantly, the children. Children who should have been breastfed but whose mothers didn't think it was socially acceptable. Children whose mothers wean too early because they are terrified to nurse in public and give formula instead until their supply dwindles. Children who could have avoided illness with their God-given birthright of mother's milk, but were denied the chance. And, ultimately, this closed-mindedness hurts our entire society.

I could go on. Oh, believe me, I could. In particular, I have opinions about the effects of a mother's decision not to breastfeed on society as a whole. I will save that for another post. In the meantime, if you are still confused about why babies need to breastfeed in public, please read my detailed explanation here.

Interesting video footage:

Rick Pate is stumped!
Chanting
Protester explains things, passersby reacting in background
He couldn't say what he said, only what he didn't say
Whistling a slightly different tune

If you don't support breastfeeding in public...

You DON'T support breastfeeding. Period.

I'm sorry, I know I have made quite a few preachy posts about breastfeeding already. I just want to post this one while it's on my mind today, and then I'll try to dig up some cute pictures of Suzi or a list of things I'm thankful for :-)

If you don't support breastfeeding in public, please stop lying and saying you are in favor of moms nursing their kids in private. You can't ride the fence like that!

If you really supported moms nursing their babies, you wouldn't be so disgusted by it as to insist it only be done out-of-sight.

If a mom needed help with her latch or position, you'd never be able to help her because you are so immature you'd faint dead away at the sight of her nipples.

If you support nursing but not in public, you must be in favor of one of the following:
A) babies going hungry for hours at a time
B) moms never leaving their homes and being shunned like second-class citizens
C) dining in restrooms and other disgusting, uncomfortable places.

Any of those sound good to you?

If moms don't breastfeed in public, how will future mothers figure out that it's the right thing to do? How will they identify with anyone or find help when they need it?

It makes no sense! So please, don't say "I'm all for breastfeeding BUT." Just say you'd prefer if all moms formula fed for your own selfish comfort and be done with it.

Anybody going to the nurse-ins, by the way? I've never been to one and was thinking of going to Asheville if no one will be at any of our local Denny's restaurants. It's 1:00 pm on Sunday, February 22nd. Jordan even said he would go with me. He's a prince :-) (See, that's one positive thing I said in this post!)

When your family doesn't support nursing

I hesitate to write this, but if I don't I will feel like a big hypocrite, so here it is.

Christmas Day festivities were underway. We had opened piles of presents, and yet piles and piles remained. Jordan's family opens one gift at a time. It was about 1:00 and we were due at my uncle's house, 45 minutes away, around 3:00. Suzi had already opened gifts from Santa at our house, sat in the car for a two-hour ride, and then opened a bunch more gifts. Jordan's parents had just hauled in a giant pile of gifts for Suzi, as well as for me, Jordan, Jordan's brother, his wife, and their soon-to-be-born baby boy. The coffee table had to be removed for the gifts to fit and they completely filled the room. All day Suzi had been handed one gift after another to unwrap and enjoy for ten seconds before it was whisked away and she was expected to refocus on opening a new gift. She was so ridiculously overwhelmed that, naturally, all she wanted to do was breastfeed. Which she made known.

I had been sneaking around trying to breastfeed her all day long, as any attempts to put her off until later were met with shrieking the likes of which no toy could assuage. My child had been made so disoriented and irritable by the season's rituals that she was searching for some source of quiet comfort, and it is my job to provide her with that.

So, amidst the generous piles of gifts we had yet to open, Suzi ran to my knees and asked to breastfeed yet again. I was fully prepared to leave the room, not because I am ashamed of breastfeeding her but because also sitting in the room were two of the most confrontational people I have ever met and I did not want to start a big hairy argument on Christmas. The only reason I did not get up and leave with Suzi was because my sweet husband said "Jenny, there's no reason for you to leave. I'll get a blanket and you can do that right here." I figured he knew his family better than I did. That's when his mom said, ever so transparently, "Oh, but if you take her in the bedroom she might go to sleep." Jordan did not acknowledge this, and when he couldn't find a free blanket I decided to leave the room. He followed me, and I heard his mom whispering to him, "Jordan, she needs to do that back here (meaning in the bedroom, where there is no comfortable place to sit) because it makes ______ and ______ (two narrow-minded individuals) uncomfortable."

Ouch. I never thought I would be banished from a family gathering.

I have been mentally prepared for months to deal with these sorts of people in malls, restaurants, stores--anywhere but in the home of a close family member. And as I sat there in the back bedroom staring at the hardwood floor, I thought, what just happened here? If this had happened anywhere else I would've known exactly what to do. But what do you do when it's your family?

Present them with the card in my purse stating that by South Carolina law, breastfeeding must not be considered indecent exposure? Notify the state Breastfeeding Coalition? Organize a nurse-in on the front lawn?

I would have told them the World Health Organization recommends that I breastfeed Suzi for at least another five months and by doing so I am being a good mother, but the offended parties never would have listened to reason. This I know from experience.

I consider this to be judgmental rejection, and it hurts. And there's really nothing I can do.