Would you let someone borrow your BABY?

(And the scariest mother award goes to... Alecia, pictured above. That girl would not be getting my baby. No, no, no, no, no. It made my hands sweaty just watching her.)

That's what NBC asked five couples to do. What's more, they were loaning them to teenagers. I wasn't going to blog about this, but after reading Amy's well-researched article my comment to her was so long I decided to blog it after all.

Without a second thought, Jordan and I eagerly tuned in to this show the other night. What a cute idea! But wait a minute. These people are actually handing over their babies? To strangers? For THREE DAYS? I have three problems with this.

1) Babies are people, and sensitive, impressionable people at that. They should be treated as such.

2) It's unfair to the teens. Of course it's going to be harder than hell to "parent" these babies; they want their real moms and dads! Even so, I'd like to point out that after two years of marriage and a bachelor's degree (in psychology), I made some of the same mistakes these teens made. That's what happens when you're learning to be a parent, because you can't learn parenting from a book. You can only learn it from your baby.

3) Every baby is parented differently, so these cookie-cutter homes NBC set up, with cribs and bottles and other detached-parenting paraphernalia, are not going to work for every baby. My daughter would've had a FIT. We cosleep, but they wouldn't dare put that on TV, seeing as how society is so hung up on it being dangerous. These teens could have done a much better job if they'd been given a manual specific to each baby. Is the baby Ferberized or does he cosleep? Does he like homemade baby food or is the storebought stuff okay? A breastfed baby is going to make an automatic failure of the aspiring teen mom, because no one can meet that need but the mother. It makes me want to cry to imagine Suzi in that situation. NBC could have selected only formula-fed crib-sleepers for this experiment to level the playing field, seeing as how they probably wouldn't have allowed them to cosleep and certainly not to breastfeed. That also would've made it a ton easier on the babies. I believe they chose not to do this because they wanted to, at whatever cost, drive home their point that teens make lousy parents, and ensure there was plenty of conflict on the show to keep viewers interested.

Instead of a cutesy I-told-you-so farce, I'd love to see real live teen parents making it work with their own biological children. Then we could really get down to brass tacks. Did they breastfeed? Cosleep? How did the birth go? This would come closer to teaching teens (the viewers) what's involved in parenting. Who knows? Perhaps there could be a role model or two in the rough.

Tragedy in Pelzer and PPD

This story has had me depressed all day. An 18-year-old mother from Pelzer killed her daughter by stepping on her (accidentally or otherwise). The little girl was six months old, a month younger than Suzi, so to me it's personal.

The comments left underneath the article mostly consist of pleas for divine retribution (and earthly retribution) against Danielle Bowen. One person thinks "somebody should beat the hell out of her," but she is undoubtedly already beating the hell out of herself. She had spoken to a family member about depression, but (if this was indeed child abuse) evidently didn't get the help she needed. A lot of people unintentionally brush new moms aside when they come forward with concerns about depression, saying things like "oh, honey, it's just the baby blues!"

When I was still pregnant, I remember standing in Jennie G's talking to Vicky and saying, "I don't see what you'd have to be depressed about; shouldn't having a new baby be the happiest time in your life?" She just shook her head in a you'll-find-out sort of way, and I did find out. We closed on our house May 31, the same day we left the hospital, and had to move out of an old rented house and into our beautiful new house during my first postpartum month. One night right before we moved in, Jordan and I went to tape around the walls in Suzi's room to prepare it for the lavender paint we'd chosen. For some reason when I saw the dark, empty house I imagined myself there alone with Suzi and was terrified. We had two things we'd dreamed of for years: a precious baby and a perfect little house that was ours and all I could do was sit there and cry. I tried to explain it to Jordan but didn't want him to think I'd gone crazy. I loved Suzi so much and was scared to death that something would happen to her. I'd heard stories about women with postpartum psychosis killing their children, or distracted parents leaving their babies in sweltering cars to die, and wondered if those things could happen to me. Every day there was a heartbreaking new story on the news to reinforce my fears. I tried to tell myself this would not happen to our family, but that's hard to do when you're alone in a house all day with nothing but your thoughts and a baby. I talked to my mom and Jordan but neither of them seemed to think it was a very big deal.

The first thing that helped me was Brooke Shields' book, Down Came the Rain. I had Jordan run into the bookstore and buy it for me because I was too embarrassed to get it myself, and then I read it in private. Brooke Shields is such a beautiful woman. While other celebrities were living their closeted lives, she took her most painful and intimate memories and put them in a book for the world to read so new mothers might not have to suffer the way she did. I can't imagine the courage it must have taken. I had been hesitant to mention my feelings to the doctor, but her story encouraged me to do it. Finally I went for my six-week appointment with the OBGYN and told him I'd been constantly anxious and didn't like Jordan to leave for work in the morning because I'd be left alone with my baby. He prescribed something which helped for a few months and now I am fine without it.

Every pregnant woman, new mother, and anyone who knows one should read Down Came the Rain. And if a new mother ever comes to you and says she's depressed, don't just tell her it's the baby blues. You are not a doctor. Hand her a phone and make her call her OBGYN, who may refer her to a psychiatrist or psychologist if necessary. It may not be serious, but there is too much at stake to wait and find out.

It's so tempting to judge a mother like Danielle Bowen, but you never know what she has been through. We need to pray for the whole family, who are enduring extraordinary pain, and especially pray for Danielle. When I was a child and people used to hurt my feelings, my mom told me not to worry because "God would take care of them." He'll take care of this too.