Rants from a dirty mama

This is how I feel today. Well, a mix between Pigpen and Grumpy the Dwarf. (Pic from here)

I really need to wash my hair today. Jordan turned the alarm off in his sleep this morning and since our girls were spending the night with Grandma and Robert decided to sleep in, I woke up and realized Jordan had about ten minutes to be at work. No shower for Mommy. AGAIN. Today is our chiropractor day so this dirty hair situation cannot wait for Jordan to get home and watch the kids. Robert is just going to have to sit in the bathroom floor. He'll probably whine and cry and see what he can find to put in his mouth. It sucks having to parent from the shower.

Furthermore...

Is it too much to ask for a kid to just occasionally, say once or twice a week, eat what I make them without making faces or whining? I could easily feed them Easy Mac with a side of Oreos every meal, and I would be their hero. But we spend extra money and time and energy to make something that's good for them and they cut me to the quick with every nose crinkle. Jordan and I are exhausted from all the begging, pleading, negotiating.

I love Robert very much, but it would be super if he would let me put him down for a nap. I am constantly holding him, watching him like a hawk, or getting him out of trouble, and I've got things to do! Laundry. Dishes. Fixing dinner (ha, yeah right). Peeing even! He is driving me crazy.

TMI warning.

Here it comes. If you don't like reading about periods and stuff, be on your way...

Where the hell is my period?!? I had my first one postpartum a month ago, I'm not pregnant, and I just know it's going to show up right in time for our 10K. Not good.

There is more. Pollen that has kept me in the house with the windows closed and feeling snotty and horrible when I need to be taking the kids outside to play, getting them to playdates and things. Jordan and I haven't even run in forever and since we are at the end of training for a 10K it's a bad time to be skipping runs.

I've struggled over the past few weeks with a hopeless hamster wheel feeling. Never-ending laundry and dishes. Children who don't seem to notice or care about anything I do for them, except of course when I make something to eat that they don't liiiiiike. The feeling that it is in poor taste to discuss this on my blog even though there is absolutely nowhere else to discuss it, except with a therapist but you have to pay for that. It's my blog so I'm going to talk about it.

It is so depressing and soul-sucking doing laundry, dishes, and menial busywork of every sort all day long, having time for hardly anything else, having no one notice, and barely talking to another adult all day. Three little kids have a funny way of keeping you in your house. Even in the rare moments when most everything is done and the kids are happy, things seem so pointless and lonely I could cry. It makes me feel even worse when I see people post things on Facebook like "I <3 my BFF!" or "Had such a fantastic time today with all my AMAAAAZING friends!" It must just be me, then. Super.

I'm going now to move the stupid alarm clock to my side of the bed and get a decent shower even if Robert hollers at me the whole time.

High on running

I haven't posted much about it, but I am still running, and Jordan is too. After the New Year's Eve 5K, others in the group started talking about an upcoming 10K. 6.2 miles. I wasn't sure if I wanted to commit myself to that or not! But my awesome parents said they'd go with us to the race and keep the kids for us, so we are doing it--Jordan and I together. We've been doing some long training runs--longer than I ever thought I'd be running, anyway! Today we ran about 6.3 miles, and it took us about 1:18. It was an eventful run, especially for Jordan, who was nearly backed over by a truck and hurt his foot. I had previously been struggling with knee pain, but that is better, and Jordan has had on-and-off ankle issues. It's not perfect, and we are not fast. Our division in the 10K is near the end, in the crowd that expects to run the whole thing, but will probably take over an hour to do it.

Just running for an hour at any speed is such a monumental accomplishment for me, and I can feel myself getting stronger. I've come to a place where running is an almost comfortable state for me, and I can speed up temporarily and slow back down to recover. Finishing a six-mile run is amazing. And running is doing so many good things for me.

I looked at my legs in the mirror the other day and they are looking almost like they did in college. I can fit into my "skinny clothes," including some that haven't fit since before I got pregnant with Suzi (my firstborn). I used to get winded easily while walking up hills, and now hills are no big deal unless I am running up them. I am able to wear Robert on my back in the Ergo for hours at a time while doing housework, and I don't get tired like I used to. And, finally, after being stuck about ten pounds over my ideal weight, it is starting to come down. Our nutritional changes have had an impact on that too, I'm sure.

One of the best things ever is to run as far as you can, get all sweaty and gross, and then take a shower. I know that after we finish this 10K it'll be tempting to say "wheee! Let's train for a half marathon!" I can already feel the pull of that challenge. I don't know. I really never meant to do a 10K when I started! But I didn't realize how great it would feel to accomplish a six-mile run. I'm sure that eight miles, ten miles, thirteen would feel incredible. I definitely don't think I'll ever do a whole marathon, though.

No.

Probably not.

What we did in February (a bunch of random pictures)

Suzi drew this sweet picture of Nana and Papa's farm (Jordan's parents). She still loves drawing, especially at her new desk.

On Valentine's Day, I helped the girls make Valentines. They were quite unique.

Ivey loves to glue things!

One afternoon we were out kind of late and had to pick up a pizza for dinner. By the time we got home, Ivey had fallen asleep in the car. She walked in, put her head down on the couch and fell back asleep standing up. It was so cute, I just had to share.

The kids are playing together a lot more now and it's awesome. Sometimes the girls will even "watch" Robert for me! He loves to pull out all the toys he can reach in the living room.

Caught under Suzi's stool. He did it himself.

We visited a friend's farm with our homeschool co-op! It was beautiful. We saw the cows, our children noisily advanced, and the cows hastily retreated. Then the children had a great time running around.

It was a good excuse to use our adorable boots, since it had just rained the day before and was damp.

Girlfriends!

Suzi ran around pretending to be an elephant, among other things.

When I nurse Robert to sleep and just hold him until he wakes up instead of trying to put him down, I am rewarded with this sweet face. Aww, Mama, thanks for holding me! I love you.

I'm glad I saved a few of my childhood trolls. I keep them in a drawstring bag, and when someone is having a really rotten day I bring them out to play. The girls love them.

This is my happy geek watching Star Wars in 3D on our new TV. Fun! We are happy with the TV and the rearrangement of our living room it has allowed.

I am going to have to make a separate post just for Bobber updates! He will be 11 months old in just a couple of days!

Blue Ice Royal Blend: I thought the Amazon reviewers were wimps, but...

Robert loves goat cheese from a local farm!

We got our Blue Ice Royal Blend supplement (high vitamin butter oil/fermented cod liver oil) in the mail Saturday. I am so relieved and happy to say that both Suzi and Ivey can take it without too much of a problem! Luckily I read the Amazon reviews for advice before trying to take it. It's doable, but I have to admit I felt nauseous for a few seconds right after I swallowed it the first couple of times. So, if you are thinking of taking this supplement, here are my tips, adapted from things I read on Amazon:

1) If you can afford it, get the capsules. From what I've read you get less for your money that way but don't have to taste it. I didn't get it because I didn't want my kids to have to swallow a pill.

2) Or maybe try the cinnamon flavor. I didn't get that because Suzi is sensitive to spicy things and I thought it might burn her mouth.

3) Get yourself a glass of OJ.

4) Put a serving of chilled Royal Blend gel on the tip of a butter knife. Try to do the whole serving at once, because you aren't going to want to go back for seconds!

5) Wipe it off on the very back of your tongue, or maybe far back on the roof of your mouth.

6) Swallow quick like a pill and chug OJ until you feel better.

Today was my third day taking it and I think I am getting used to it! I'm hoping the kids will too.

The other parts of our changing relationship with food have been wonderful. On Saturday, we rode out to Milky Way Farm to get milk, butter and cream. We ordered some different types of meat from the food exchange this time, and I'm excited to learn more about cooking!